I want to start this post by stating a fact...before you become a mom, you have NO idea what kind of mom you will be. Sure, you have an idea of what motherhood will be like and what kind of mom you want to be or hope to be. But until that little bundle of joy is placed on your chest, you do not know the extent of motherhood. That being said - there are a million different ways to be a mom and there are a million different types of moms. Is there a right one to be? HECK NO! We are all different and we are all entitled to mother our babies the way we see fit.
What's my point?
Don't judge another mom for her choices. Period.
A friend of mine mentioned she had been told recently that she is, "Not as much fun as she was pre-baby," and that she, "Doesn't need to give up her life for her baby." Two things - one, her baby is two months old and two, you just don't say things like this to a new mom. What's sad is that these things were said by a fellow mom. It kind of shocks me because now that I am a mom, I would never judge another mom for her choices in regards to wanting to be with her baby. If I did not have bills to pay, I would be home with my baby 24/7.
I had no idea how much I would love my son until he was placed in my arms. At that moment, he became my reason for living and everything revolved around him. I am happiest when I am with him just sitting on the floor and playing. Some might look at my life now in comparison to my life before my son, and say that I have "lost" myself. To some extent, yes, I have. I have lost myself in raising my son and making sure he has everything he needs and more. I have lost myself in watching him grow and learn new things. I have lost myself in making sure he is happy and healthy. I have lost myself in being a mom. How terrible of me to "lose" myself.
My son is almost 8 months old. I have not left him for longer than a work day, and I hate leaving him for any amount of time on the weekends. I was exclusively nursing him prior to introducing solids, and NEWS FLASH, nursing kind of hinders a mom from going out. It's easy for an outsider to say, "Just pump and go out." Umm no...it does not really work like that. You may be out having fun but your boobs will quickly remind you that you have a child to feed at home. It's not easy for a nursing mom to just go out and forget about baby at home. Nursing literally gives you a hormonal connection to your baby. Something I have experienced too is a very strong desire and need to be there for my baby. I want to be there if he needs me for any reason. I don't want someone else taking care of him unless it is absolutely necessary (like going to work.) From the moment he was born, an overwhelming feeling took over my life - TAKE CARE OF HIM. It is what drives me from day to day.
Now on the flip side...moms who need to get away and have "Me Time" on a regular basis are NOT BAD MOMS! We are all just different. We all have different needs.
I feel that you need to do what makes you happy, because being happy makes you a good mom. If "Me Time" makes you a happy mom, do it. If staying home and snuggling with your baby makes you a happy mom, do it. But don't tell someone they are wrong for doing either or. Like the old saying goes, "Walk a mile in my shoes." You do not know what someone else is going through, so don't judge or make a negative comment. People have no idea the power of a negative comment - especially when it comes to being a mom or what kind of mom you are. New moms are constantly battling self-doubt and the feeling of, "Am I doing anything right? Am I setting my child up for future failure? etc." Don't make them feel guilty for staying home with their baby and don't make them feel guilty for going out for some "me time" either.
8 months in I am just starting to do small things for me again...like training for a 1/2 marathon in May. That was a big step for me because it means taking time away from Liam to train. But I am doing it for me. It took me 8 months to decide that.
To all my new mommies...HUGS!
You're doing a great job!
Keep doing what makes you happy!
You are not crazy!
You're not setting your little one up for failure!
You are a good mom:)
xoxo,
Molly
Of course I want to spend every waking moment with him...look at that face!!
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