2/1/14
Sleep Deprivation While Working
This week was rough to say the least! Liam has been waking up between 11PM and 2AM ever since I went back to work. I will admit that I built a very bad habit for him...I would put the paci in for him at night, even if he wasn't fussing for it because I knew it would help him sleep. I reached a point this week when I decided that I could not (and should not) be doing this for him anymore. I need my sleep while working. My husband and I decided to try the Cry It Out Method because going in and out to soothe him seemed only to upset him more. Once we pick him up it's almost impossible to put him back in his crib because he wants to be with us. The first night we tried Cry It Out Liam woke up at 11PM like clock work and started crying. He cried for over an hour (on and off) and by the hour and a half mark my husband caved in. He's teething so we figured the Motrin we gave him at bedtime had worn off by then. So in we went at 12:30AM. We gave him more Motrin and then I cuddled him for a few minutes, then laid him down and walked out. He cried another 10 minutes and then fell asleep for about 20 minutes. Then he was up again and by 1:30AM I had had enough and could not listen to my baby cry any longer. When I picked him up he grabbed me tighter than he ever has and just snuggled as close as he could. I sat down in the rocking chair and by the time I was seated, he was asleep. He has not fallen asleep upright in my arms for months. I sat and rocked him (me crying now from feeling guilty) for about 30 minutes. When I tried to lay him down he woke up crying. So I took him into bed with me (I know I know). The problem with that is that I cannot sleep when he is next to me. I worry about crushing him or the sheets smothering him, etc. I will say that the way he snuggles up to me in bed is precious and I love that part. His little nose has to be touching my face:) I let him fall asleep again and around 2:45AM I tried to put him back in his crib....failed again. So I picked him up and rocked him a little bit until he was sleeping again and then I got my husband and said, "Your turn, I've been up since 11PM." Hubby took him and sat in the recliner and he was out...finally got him back in his crib at 5AM. I never really went back to sleep...so I had about 2 hours of sleep the next day to function on...not cool. Worst night on record with my baby:(
So the next night we decided it couldn't get any worse so let's try it again. Lil guy did not make a peep all night! I went to bed before 8PM and got more than 8 hours of sleep for the first time since he was born!
Next night - he woke up at 11PM and cried for 53 minutes off and on but never escalated the way he did the night before. Then he fell asleep until 1AM. He only cried for five minutes then and went back to sleep until 6AM.
Last night - not a peep:)
Tonight....???
I was never one who wanted to do Cry It Out but I reached the point of no return. I feel awful and guilty hearing my baby cry, but I am hoping it is the right thing for all of us. It is not for everyone and it is the cause for much heated debate and judgment...see my post from 2/1/14!
xoxo,
Molly
1/20/14
Last Day of Vacation
Today is the day I have been dreading since my month long vacation started. I knew from the beginning that it would be extremely hard to go back to work full time after having a month off with my baby. It was like a teasing me about being a stay at home mom. If anything, this month off has made me want to stay home with Liam more than anything. Being with him all day has shown me all of those little moments I miss while I am gone. Just small milestones like him realizing when I hid something behind my back that it's still there. I want to be there for every moment, big or small. I love our little routine we have developed, and I love being able to take care of the house more, and I love being able to do laundry in small chunks so my weekends are not consumed by it. I am seriously scheming on how to be able to stay home permanently. Also debating moving to Canada where I would have been able to take a full year off for maternity leave. If you have any million dollar ideas please share. My dream/goal is now to stay home with my baby. Tomorrow will be very hard - it's like going back to work all over again. There will be tears for sure - probably better bring my make-up with me. I know that working will allow me to give Liam more in the long run, but that's hard to think of right now.
I love my son more than anything in the whole world! I did not know I could love so much.
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I want more days like this...
xoxo,
Molly
1/2/14
Dropping off at Daycare
This morning I dropped Liam off at Daycare for a few hours so he doesn't forget her and has a chance to have a bottle. I am lucky in that my husband always drops Liam off in the mornings before work. Today was my first day. It was hard to say the least. Now I LOVE the daycare we have for him and know he is loved immensely there, but it was still hard to leave him. I felt guilty, sad, upset, etc. I miss him already! I know he needs to be there because he is going through his "Mommy only" phase. Thankfully I have been keeping busy and the time has flown by and I will soon be jumping in my car to go and get him!
For all my fellow working moms...it's OK to feel guilty and sad when leaving your baby! They are our whole worlds and even a few short hours apart are hard:(
Hang in there mamas!!
xoxo,
Molly
UPDATE:
Picked him up from daycare at 11:00 AM and apparently he wanted nothing to do with either type of bottle I sent. He got very fussy and upset when she tried to feed him. I was worried because I pumped at 10:30AM and knew I would not have anything for him for at least a few hours. I am assuming he just wasn't hungry yet..or hoping anyway. When I got home I put the milk in a sippy cup and he actually drank about 2 more oz, plus one more oz from the bottle. Oy vey:( The oatmeal he gets in the morning has definitely affected his nursing at that 11 o'clock hour, and he only drank about 3.5 oz with my husband yesterday. Looks like we will be rearranging our schedule again. Good thing we are going to his 6 month check up tomorrow...maybe the doctor can help guide us in the right direction.
xoxo,
Molly
Liam and I on my first day back to work for Professional Development meetings - August 2013, 8 weeks old.
Let me start by saying that I would give ANYTHING to be a stay at home mom. I never thought I would want to, but now that I have my son I truly wish I could. This desire was fueled even more after my first real day back at work full time when Liam was 10 weeks old.
Daycare Nightmare
My husband works for Santa Barbara County, and there just so happened to be a daycare center in the building he works in. Too perfect right? We signed Liam up and I toured the facility and met the staff and all seemed well and good. They said their policy for feeding infants was every 2-3 hours. Liam was eating consistently every 3 hours so this seemed like the perfect fit. My first day back at work was emotional enough as it was. Leaving Liam for the first time all day with total strangers entrusting them to care for my whole world - scary. My husband dropped him off around 7:40AM and I went to pick him up at 3:30PM. When I walked into the infant room, Liam was sitting on the floor with the care giver. He looked tired and pale. The first words out of her mouth were, "He hasn't eaten since 8:30AM this morning." My jaw dropped and all I could manage to say was, "Why?!" She said that he never "fussed for it." My mind immediately went into overdrive and all I could think of was, get home and feed your baby ASAP. I grabbed him and his things and literally ran out of the facility. Liam nursed like crazy at home and luckily was unharmed by their serious neglect. After he was done I just held him and cried and cried and cried! Needless to say, that first day back at work could not have been any worse!
To make a long story short, we immediately started looking for new care for our little boy. Unfortunately we live far away from family and had no other options but to send him back to that awful daycare until we found proper care. My husband went down to visit Liam every few hours to make sure he was being fed and properly cared for. It took us 2 weeks to find alternate care for Li Li. Thanks to a wonderful friend who called some Church contacts up in our area to help us find an in home daycare. Since then, we have found a WONDERFUL place for Liam to go to. He is one of the family while he is there and is truly loved while mommy and daddy are at work. He is the only watched at this new daycare so he gets all the love and attention he deserves. I am in constant contact all day and get updates and pictures consistently. I am now able to relax while I am at work because I know my baby is cared for. I still wish I could stay home with my baby, but knowing he is loved while I am away is all I could ever ask for.
HUGE thanks to our wonderful daycare for Li Li!!
We truly love you:)
Right now I am lucky to have a whole month off to spend with my baby boy! Going back to work on January 22nd, 2014 will be VERY hard for me. I am loving being home with Li Li everyday!
Li Li after his horrendous day at daycare:(
My first TGIF!! So happy to have 2 days with this little boy!!!
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