An Open Letter to My Boys <3
Dear J, Li Li and Levi,
I am writing you this letter so that one day we can look back and hopefully laugh about how worried we were about becoming a family of four, because we will have a new "normal" once little Levi joins us. It's been a rough ride over the last 35 weeks and 3 days, but here we are in the home stretch waiting for Levi to join us. Thank you both for putting up with me and the roller coaster of emotions this pregnancy has put me through. I would not have made it without your love and support J - you are truly amazing and I am beyond lucky to have you by my side. Li Li thank you for being the best little boy any mommy could ask for - even when you drive mommy nuts - you are and will always be my whole world. Levi - thank you for choosing me to be your mommy:) Now let me get down to the specifics....
Jason<3
I feel like I can never say or show you enough how much I love you and appreciate you for all that you do for this family. I know I get irritated with you more than I should and for that I am sorry. You are always doing something to benefit the house or our family. Thank you for that. I really do appreciate all that you do around the house...sometimes I just wish you chose different times to do so:) I am so thankful you have a job that keeps you close to home now. I no longer worry about you on a daily basis and I love knowing you will be home every night. You are my teammate and my partner in life. I cannot imagine doing this mom thing alone right now. I know I could...but I am glad I don't have to. I know you have a passion for fire and helping others...that is one of the reasons I fell in love with you. Putting our family over that is something I would never force you to do and sometimes I am still shocked at how much your career has shifted. You know you have my support in anything you want to do in life. I will always be your biggest cheerleader. But I cannot promise I won't whine or complain a little bit along the way.
I must admit that I am much more apprehensive and scared this go around. Not just with labor and delivery...although that does scare the sh*t out of me. I am scared of how Levi will affect our relationship even more than Liam did. It's no secret that children change your marriage and your relationship. We work on it everyday and will for as long as these two boogers live and breathe. I never expected to become so all consumed as a mom. I am sorry you have not been my top priority over the past 2 years and 4 months. I am sorry I let myself get run down and so tired that I get grouchy and short with you. I am sorry for not spoiling you and pampering you like I used to. I am sorry for not focusing on the house and chores more. I am sorry for expecting you to read my mind. I am sorry for not being a better wife. This is what I worry about when Levi gets here...that all of this will continue and get worse. I need to find more balance with this mom thing. You are such a wonderful person and deserve to be pampered and spoiled for being such a wonderful husband and daddy. I promise to work on this as much as I can. I promise to put you first more often. I promise to show my appreciation more than just saying it. I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you for loving me in a way that most only dream about. You are my best friend and I love you to the moon and back:)
Li Li <3
Honestly, sometimes when I sit and think about Levi arriving I feel very sad and guilty because I know our time and "You and Me" is ending. You changed my life in the best possible way. I did not know how much I could love someone until you came into the world. You have given my life such purpose and sense of worth. You have become the center of everything I do and every thought I have. I am scared of taking that away from you. I am scared that you will feel abandoned and forgotten. I know how all consumed I became with you and I don't know how I can balance that and be fair to both you and Levi. I never want you to feel left out or like mommy does not have time for you. You have made me who I am today. You have made me the mommy I am today. My life has meaning because of you. You are my reason for working hard everyday, so that I can give you everything you need (and want). Never forget how much I love you and how much you mean to me. We will just have to get used to sharing our time with your little brother. We can do it. We will still have our special time just you and me. I will tuck you in at night until you ask me not to...and then I will just because I can. We will still watch Paw Patrol and Blaze together. We will still build your block towers and race tracks. We will still dunk our graham crackers in milk together. We will still read as many books as you want together. We will still go for runs together. We will still go feed the animals at the barn together. We can still do all of the things we have always done together and many more. You're my first little boy and you will always be my baby:) I'm going to be that mom that kisses you until your 40 and beyond. I am so proud of you and the little man you are growing into. I hope you always have the zest for life that you currently have. Stay curious and strive to learn. I love you my boogie!!!! You are my whole world:) You're two and drive me a little nuts but I would not change a single moment we share together. I love you. I love you. I love you!
Levi <3
I've loved you from the moment I knew about you. You have given mommy a rough ride through these past 35 weeks and 3 days, but I am so thankful to be carrying you and bringing you into this fun ride called life. You will love our little family and your big brother. He may not welcome you with open arms but don't worry, he will grow to love you more than either of you could ever put into words. You will always have someone who has your back. You will always have someone to play with. You will always have someone to drive mom and dad crazy with. You will always have a partner in crime. You will always have a teammate. You will always have a wing man (when you're much much older). You will always have a brother. I am so excited to watch you and Liam grow up together. He has so much to teach you already.
It's going to take awhile for all of us to adjust to you being here. Give us a little break while we figure things out. We are going to make mistakes and screw up...that's just how life goes. I promise we will find our groove and then things will sail right along. Keep in mind we have been just the three of us for over two years. We are all a little nervous about becoming a family of four. I want you to remember one thing for the rest of your life....You will never be the "second best" in this family. I know being the second child and getting hand me downs your whole life can make it seem like you are not important or not the priority....but that is not the case. We love you just as much as Liam and you are just as important to us. Please don't ever feel second best in this house. With that being said...feel free to join the party whenever you feel you are ready. Preferably in about 2 weeks:) Love you my little monkey:)
xoxo,
Molly
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